I guess the only difference between you and me is that my girlfriend is an ex-smoker. She quit cold turkey after six years, which turned out to be a crazy catch 22. On one hand, she's much healthier, doesn't smell like stale smoke, has more money, the list goes on. However, I didn't have the guts to tell her how much I enjoyed watching her smoke before she quit, even though we've always been very communicative. I guess I was ashamed out of some misplaced sense of morality.

I mustered my courage last month and flat out told her, and she was very understanding. She even asked if I wanted her to smoke for me! Holy crap, it was such a relief. Of course, I feel a little guilty because she feels great about being a non-smoker, but she says she doesn't mind.

Now the only weird part is procuring the cigarettes. I'd feel strange buying them (I've never bought any, let alone tried to smoke them), and she's not likely to remember my fetish when she's at the gas station. I'll make it happen soon, though. She suggested that she smoke at her computer and pretend not to notice while I...you know. What a girl! That's a dream come true for me.