As for the desire to start smoking, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's never been there. I've never smoked a damn thing in my life, and I honestly can't imagine myself ever doing it. (What a freaking weird fetish to have, huh? I think I would be better off with a stocking fixation. That would be more convenient). I actually was tricked into sucking on one of my friend's nicotene lozenges the other night. She's trying to quit smoking, and insisted I try the lozenge without telling me what it was. I gagged and asked what the hell it was. My girlfriend laughed and told me "It's like you just smoked." Although she was just teasing, that really settled it: I don't think I'll ever smoke. But if you start, it sounds like a strictly sexual association. It doesn't sound like you'll become an addict. In the end, there's little point in denying urges like those if they'll make you happy. Still, I know it's all very confusing.