Thanks for sharing those early memories. I feel we are often made to feel warped because of a smoking fetish, and even more for having it planted by mothers. We shouldn't be. After all Freud would have it we are all attracted to our mothers and sub consciously seek a woman who reminds us of them.I am coming to terms with it; took me a while to accept, and my experience is similar to yours.
Now it makes me hapy not fearful. I have a lovely girlfriend who does indeed remind me of my mother when she was younger.
However I still get the pangs. Yesterday I met up with my mother and sister in London as we had agreed to by giifts for christmas after the event in the sales. I had a huge shock when my mother suggested we have a cigarette before going in selfridges store, because as she took the silver foil from the pack and I expected to offer me one, she instead offered my sister. I have never seen my sister smoke.. I watched them transfixed. My sis had a lovely vintage shearling coat,with outsized soft fur cuffs, and black leather gloves. My mother as usual in fur. A long black faux, with a lovely sheen, and leather gloves also. I took one too, and my sis used her lighter to light us. It shocked me. My heart raced to see my sweet sister inhale deeply , and exhale a stream into the air, smiling....looking like she was having an orgasm. She is 33, but I never ever suspected she smoked. Stunning and long dark hair. I commented to that effect, and looked at my mum acusingly. She smiled, and told me she had started when she was younger than me even, but had given up for a long time with two children.
When expecting her third, she had started smoking. "You know how you get cravings?" she said. I couldn't believe it! She had started smoking while pregnant."And you knew this mum?" I asked. "Yes" she said " I told her it wouldn't hurt just the odd one...she was feeling down"... with her husband leaving her, she explained. "Anyway it never hurt either of you and I smoked like a trooper when I was having both of you". I looked at them shaking my head, and they just smiled and both inhaled simultaneoult with mischieivous faces.
Anyway I let the conversation go, but it just kind of shows my mom's unrepentant stance on smoking. Never hurt? We were probably addicted in the womb! Still I wouldn't have it any other way as I thoroughly enjoy smoking.
Anyway , I enjoyed standing with these two beautiful women, smoking with them...even if it was mum and sis....and getting an exhale blown back from my sisters lips was a bit unnerving but exciting. It was interestng to see also she had exactly the sam smoking style as my mum. The gloves, the exaggerated flick and tap, and the upward exhales.
Just then as we were stood outside the store two young black lads approached. I was a bit bnervous in case they were going to steal a bag or something, but my mom never batted an eyelid.
"Have you a light please? " said the one lad.Maybe 16. Funny how he didnt ask me I thought. My mom is 60 odd but still gorgeous, and he looked into her eyes, and watched her gloved hand take a drag as she searched for her lighter. My sister loooked too but mums was first out. She lit the boys cigarettes. I could't believe as she did she let them have the full force of her exhale. Pointed, because she normally exhales up. The five of us were engulfed in smoke, most of it my moms. I could see the boys were excited, and I am sure i even caught my sis looking where she shouldn't have been. Ater the "very naughty smoking at your age line" which got beaming smiles form the lads, and a raised eyebrow and another deep inhale and smile back, the lads walked off sying bye, and kept looking around at my mom and sis. My sister too watched them. " Cute" she exclaimed.
I put my arm around my mom as my sis turned to look in the shop window. I whispered to her, watching her bust rise in the fur , partly with anticipation I know, and filling with smoke as she inhaled again. Her eyes twinkled at me. "Your just as bad as ever" I said.Know what she did then? She xhaled right at me. " Don't tell me you dont like it too" she whispered back, her eyes an inch from my cigarette and watching intently as I had another drag. Still with my arm around her, I looked over to see my sister still distracted. I stroked the deep soft fur on her back, then gave her a hug. My face was against the high upturned fur colar. soft on my face. Tight, I squeezed her, then pecked her on the cheek but enough to just clip and linger on the edge of her lips, and taste the bite of menthol. "You're a bad bad lady mom" I said. "I know" she said "always have been always will be". And she squeezed my hand; which felt nice with the touch of leather.
I hugged her again, we put our cigarettes out and rounded up my sister. Then we had a really nice day, with a few coffee stops and lots more cigarettes.
Last night when I got home I took the girlfriend to dinner, and smoked lots with her too. Lovemaking last night was extra special!
