Darker Desires

Kayla's Lungs, Part 5

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 5
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - November - December 2012

January 8, early afternoon (cont.)

I was waaay too buzzed on wine and nicotine and carbon monoxide and emotion to even think about driving, so I left my car where I'd parked it on the street near Kayla's apartment and walked home.

I was every bit as freaked out as I was the night before following the incident in Kayla's car, but as I walked the same cold streets with Kayla's gift bag dangling from my tightly clenched gloved fingers, I felt decidedly different. I walked with more purpose, craving the moment that I could get home, lock the door, and set the bag comfortably down. I was strongly motivated by the fear that I might run into someone I know, and get asked about what was in the bag, but I also couldn't wait to have a moment alone to try to process everything that'd just happened, so I walked quickly.

Kayla's Lungs, Part 4

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 4
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - September - October 2012

January 8, early afternoon

I can't believe what I've been through since last night. I can't believe what I'm going through. I can't believe what's happened. I can't believe what I've done.

When I called Kayla yesterday, she picked up after only two rings. "Hey...I'm SO glad you called me...are you OK...?" Her quiet, deeply concerned voice felt like velvet swirling in my ear, but it sent a sharp chill down my spine. "...I don't know how I could have been so inconsiderate last night."

"A Woman's..."

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"A Woman's..."
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - July - August 2012

A little multimedia for your consideration this time around – a meditative loop featuring the lovely Burnetta, wonderfully shot smoking Virginia Slims 120s by Tony P. for the member area at Smoke Signals Online. Text and creative edit by me. Click the photo to watch.


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Vesperae's discussion and DS multimedia forum:
The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking

Kayla's Lungs, Part 3

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 3
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - May - June 2012

January 7, really late / really early (cont.)

Choking, disgusted, and feeling deeply ashamed and exposed, I quickly opened the passenger door of Kayla's car, wanting only to flee what had unexpectedly become a physical and psychological torture chamber. My head was spinning, my heart was pounding, and my lungs were on fire from the concentrated dose of Virginia Slims poisons that being with Kayla had saturated them with. The first breath of cold winter night air only sharpened the pain deep in my chest. Hacking and overwhelmed with embarrassment, I quickly found my feet and slipped away into the darkness in search of distance and recovery.

I just ran away like a geek.

Kayla's Lungs, Part 2

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 2
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - March - April 2012

January 5, late

I'm starting to get more than a little freaked out.

Why am I suddenly obsessing about something that I've essentially never given any thought to before?

Why this sudden intense fixation on smoking? Is there something wrong with me?

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