We talked some more as we chained smoked on the couch. Sharon was pretty sure she wanted to have the baby now and then sign it away. She was enjoying the illusion of family life to much. I guess she had a low self esteem. She now really enjoyed walking around with me, holding hands, and now that she was showing, it just made her feel all the more wanted by me. Perhaps that was also why she wanted to smoke so much, self destructive self hatred. She seemed very fragile at the moment, I cared for her very much and thought if I pressured her one her pregnancy, smoking and drinking, I could hurt her deeply. I new she loved me pretty intensley right now because I was showing her that I cared about her, she must have had a bad time of it some time in the past. I thought I knew her pretty good but what ever it was, she did not think I had a need to know right now. I decided that if she wanted to have it, that was ok with me, but I would tell her later, in case I changed my mind. As far as her smoking went, she could smoke as much as she wanted for as long as she wanted, even though I had seen how smoking a lot of unfiltered cigarettes had done to Angie's lungs, it was one of the major attractions I had towards Sharon, and Angie for that matter.We had some Chinese food deliverd and we ate right there on the couch, Sharon still only in her panties. she was totally at ease dressed as she was while at home. Heat was no problem. it was paid by the owner. My apartment did not have its own meter so I figured it was built with out a permit, very common around town.
After dinner I switched on the TV and we just laid there chain smoking late into the nigh. I even smoked a pack of Gitanes, although my lungs were bad enough, having Sharon there as she was made me say 'bugger it' and smoke as much as I wanted. Sharon chained them from seven to around midnight when we went to bed. We had sex again, Sharon having developed a good cough, smoked during sex. It was great sex. By the time we finished a few after sex, she had smoked five packs of unfiltered cigaretted that day. She decided that would be her norm. I resolved to smoke at least three packs of Gitanes as well, her lung hatred had infected me too.
More later
