Take Tampa, for instance. He's much easier to please. He prefers women who smoke corks. Although right-handed smoking is okay, Tampa does prefer to see his women smoking left-handed.

A turquoise (or blue-green ashtray) is a must, preferably ceramic, not of those El Cheapo plastic jobs.

Sh_o_e_s should be black and have high heels. No tennis sh_o_es or flip-flops please. That just wrecks the whole experience -- especially if they look like they have holes in the soles or mildew.

Lipsstick and nails should be red, not pink or brown or orange or silver or white.

Big b_o_o_bs are a plus as long as they do not exceed 48EE's. Being bilingual is fine, but Tampa also likes heterosexual women as well -- as long as they smoke left-handed corks.

Like we said at the top. Tampa is not that picky.