Darker Desires

So You've Decided to Start Smoking... (Revisited)

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So You've Decided to Start Smoking... (Revisited)
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - May - June 2013

This is the first multimedia piece I did for the online version of Smoke Signals Magazine, originally published in the July‚ÄďAugust 2007 issue. Presented here for the first time outside of the Smoke Signals Online membership area. (By the way, the Smoke Signals Magazine Archive is one of the coolest features of membership, in my opinion. It's a treasure trove of fascinating "time capsule" moments in the SF Community dating back to February of 2003!)

Kayla's Lungs, Part 6

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 6
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - March - April 2013

January 9, late afternoon

Epidemiologists refer to an organism that transmits an infectious disease to another organism as a "Vector." I've thought a lot about this idea over the last few days.

Cigarette smoke is a colloidal suspension of hot carcinogenic tar particles and toxic gasses, and inhaling it amounts to deliberate, premeditated poisoning and self-mutilation. Epidemiologically speaking, cigarette smoking is not an infectious disease.

Resolutions

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Resolutions
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - January - February 2013

Welcome to 2013. At least we managed to survive the Mayan Apocalypse.

And at least we have our innate fascination with dates and numbers to pin our hopes for a better future on. Such distinctions are of course ultimately arbitrary, but why not indulge them, and why not shoot for the stars? (The older I get, the more I find myself clinging to optimism, because the alternative has always proven to be a destructive dead-end for me over and over again.)

Which brings me to Resolutions of the sort that we tend to set for ourselves at this time of year. And of course, none more infamous than the passing to obsessive contemplation of quitting smoking.

Kayla's Lungs, Part 5

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 5
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - November - December 2012

January 8, early afternoon (cont.)

I was waaay too buzzed on wine and nicotine and carbon monoxide and emotion to even think about driving, so I left my car where I'd parked it on the street near Kayla's apartment and walked home.

I was every bit as freaked out as I was the night before following the incident in Kayla's car, but as I walked the same cold streets with Kayla's gift bag dangling from my tightly clenched gloved fingers, I felt decidedly different. I walked with more purpose, craving the moment that I could get home, lock the door, and set the bag comfortably down. I was strongly motivated by the fear that I might run into someone I know, and get asked about what was in the bag, but I also couldn't wait to have a moment alone to try to process everything that'd just happened, so I walked quickly.

Kayla's Lungs, Part 4

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Kayla's Lungs, Part 4
by Vesperae

SMOKE SIGNALS MAGAZINE - September - October 2012

January 8, early afternoon

I can't believe what I've been through since last night. I can't believe what I'm going through. I can't believe what's happened. I can't believe what I've done.

When I called Kayla yesterday, she picked up after only two rings. "Hey...I'm SO glad you called me...are you OK...?" Her quiet, deeply concerned voice felt like velvet swirling in my ear, but it sent a sharp chill down my spine. "...I don't know how I could have been so inconsiderate last night."

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